L.A. MPG: OutSmarted - the final word on the Smart ForTwo from Los Angeles

It's been a finger bloodening, eye-bulging time. But, the latest and last episode of L.A. MPG: OutSmarted - part of my Alex's Carmageddon video production circlejerk - is finally here. After driving the Smart ForTwo around Los Angeles for a while, seventy-dollar-rental day, I come to a conclusion, driving it back to the rental place in Santa Monica (from the San Fernando Valley - 818 y'all! - where we started.)

What's my conclusioon about driving a Smart ForTwo around L.A.? Pretty sure you know how to find out! Plus, check out the monkey that drinks its own pee! Classic!

Watch out for Alex's Car Scheisser, coming soon and check out ALL the episodes of L.A. MPG on the YouTube channel or iTunes (below)

The Best Car Blog (this one) is now the best iTunes Car Podcast (or Vodcast if you prefer)

Apparently, everyone and their mother has been obsessively watching Alex's CARmageddon and my first mini car movie Top Gear thing - L.A. MPG OutSmarted. YouTube has clearly had a hard time handling all these billions of foaming audiences. That must be why they say only like three people have watched the 2 videos I've posted so far. But, not to worry, if YouTube's not your cup of car awesome, you can now see this latest episode, featuring street interviews about the Smart ForTwo in Los Angeles - on iTunes! Eat that other car blog guys! Alex's Carmageddon is now an iTune that you can get by clicking on that button there - it launches iTunes and you can subscribe to get the latest videos in high quality on your iPod or iPhone or iPod Touch or whatever else you got for Hanakuh. And, obviously, it's totally free (some people I know though podcasts cost money - those people are dumbasses)

Or, I guess, if you're boring, you can still watch it here as a uTube. You can also subscribe with your Creative Zen MP3 player (i'd make fun, but I used to have one) OR pretty much any other way you want. Check out AlexsCARmageddon.com for all your options. 

Video: L.A. MPG-OutSmarted Part I - Driving the Smart ForTwo in Los Angeles

The Smart ForTwo has been around in Europe for like a decade. But, just like the last season of Friends to the French, the ForTwo is totally brand new to Americans. Los Angeles is a city known for big, bling, pimped trucks; supercars; hypercars; two-tone Cadillacs on hundred-spoke wheels, custom Hummers on thirties and phat rides on dubs. 

The Smart doesn't really work with any of this. It's dishwasher-like dimensions get lots in L.A. traffic and people do look at you like you're helmet-wearing Special.

Check out my latest Alex's Carmageddon video podcast (vodcast) / YouTubentary / iTune as I drive the Smart ForTwo through the streets of Los Angeles and tell you what it's like. Plus more on this summer's fuel proce crisis and even the environment!

The next episode includes even more interviews, followed by a conclusion clip. Then we're done with L.A. MPG and moving onto Alex's Car Scheisser - my journey from Munich to Berlin on the fast road in the world....in what must be the slowest car in the world - the Mercedes A-Class.

Subscribe on YouTube or iTunes and keep up to date on the newest, Top Gear-wannabe, online car show at Alex's Carmageddon

DON'T FORGET TO COMMENT ON ALL THESE - I know you've got that kind of time!

Where do old movie cars go?

Did you know that Cheetah the Chimp from the original Tarzan movies is still alive and well, at 76, living in a mini paradise ranch in Palm Springs with his primate son? He's the world's oldest-ever chimp. Crappy comparison, but where do you think the Batmobile from the 1989 movie is? Don't know? Me neither. And, today, Jalopnik reports that the Ecto-1, the super awesome ambulance from Ghostbusters is for sale - AGAIN. I almost think I blogged about it two years ago when it was for sale to the current guy. At a meesly $27K, less than the price of a super-lame BMW 3 series, this piece of Automotive history could be yours.

But let's face it, what the hell would you do with it? Outside of Halloween, or maybe a really cool prom, you wouldn't commute to work in a massive, 6 litre, 60-year-old ambulance - I guess unless you actually busted ghosts for a living. And who'd pay for that? If there were a museum of these cars, I'd get kinda drunk and go to it. Then, the Ecto-1, all the Batmobiles, Herby and the awesome Mercury from the super-crappy, Stalone abortion that was Cobra could be setup in little stages, themed like the movies they're from. I'd like to see the Land Rover from Tomb Raider (much more-convincing actor than Angelina Jolie) and the Pacer from Wayne's World. Plus the Gremlin Limo from Wayne's World two (only reason I went to see that in the theater). I'd like to see all the cars from the Cannonball Run movies and I'd get my picture taken with Kitt (they used to have it at Universal Studios) and the A-Team van (that they also had).

The hearse from Six Feet Under? Hell, even the Suburban from the Sopranos (unremarkable, but I freaken love the Sopranos). And, yeah, the Gran Torino from Starksy and Hutch. And, yeah, dammit, the Mystery Machine - which, though a cartoon, is still special.

There's so many rich guys buying stupid old paintings and crazy stripper wives - won't one of you economy-raping bastards please buy all the old movie cars and start a museum? I will totally make the suggested donation!

Pure Car Sex - the fourdoor Lamborghini Estoque Concept

There's cars you want to have sex in and cars you'd like to have sex with. Today, Lamborghini announced a car that's both! The Lamborghini Estoque Concept has four doors, so you can put very, very lucky people in the back. Finally, an Italian sedan to make the Maserati Quattroporte look like a Chrysler K Car. Expect to see this in front of really expensive hotels where amazingly bad things happen next year. Expect to see Maybach chauffeurs get put in their place. Expect to see strippers who aren't as hot as the car in the back. Don't be surprised if they don't mind being videotaped.

You can read all the techy specs on a real car blog. We just want to gawk at it and touch it.....do stuff to it - yeah, you like that, don't you, car.

Basic Transportation Car Blog goes Video - with Alex's Carmageddon and L.A. MPG

Writing's dead, when you think about it. So, check out Basic Transportation's latest online-sibling!

Jaguar XK - Really cool or not-quite-for-dudes cool?

The Jaguar XK is fast, comfortable, really Jaguary, compared to the Buick-like XF, for example. So why is it still not-quite-right? Is there just something less James Bond and more the-guy-who-cuts-his-hair about it? When you pull up next to one at the light, do you half-expect to see a woman behind the wheel? Or perhaps and older man and his...personal trainer riding shot gun?

The newer body style is 'gorgeous' in a museum-sculpture way, definately not a porn star way. Next to a TVR Sagaris or even an Alfa Romeo Brera, the Jag just lacks a certain masculinity.(my college paper)

But, maybe we're just trippin' - so you decide:

Opinion Polls & Market Research

The American Man Gets a New Van - and F'd in the Can

Vans do lots of stuff. Or, at least, they carry lots of stuff. Stuff usually weighs a lot - tools, parts for other stuff, ladders to reach stuff up high. And, since the Eurostar and the Astro van met their doom, the van man has had to buy pickup trucks and camper shells.

With Ford killing off the Crown Victory Cop Killer, it means that anything big, like vans, with a V8 has to be replaced by something less big with smaller engines. A lot of car companies would get clever and base something on a Mustang. Instead, they're bringing the European Transit Connect to van-hungry Americans. But are repairmen, plumbers and deliverers or heavy stuff going to rush out to get this Eurovan?

Probably not. The Connect is Front-Wheel Drive (FWD). Even with a relatively-torquish, 1.8L Diesel, the idea of merging onto a freeway with a washing machine, compressors, socket wrenches and replacement washing machine motors on-board doesn't sound likely. Sure, the Europeans can carry their cheese, flowers and impressionist paintings around round-abouts and narrow city streets in Barcelona, Nice and Stafordshire - but the American van man needs rear-wheel drive and and triple-digit horsepower. In other words, if you see this van arockin' - actually, you just won't see this van doing much. Not anything that an HHR sedan delivery can't do while looking cooler.

So, as gas prices keep climbing, expect to pay much more for all your van-man needs, since he'll keep driving his pickup, waiting for someone to sell him a real, mid-size van.