eBay Find: SEMA Show Chevy Cobalt SS is still a lame Cobalt.

Why is it people buy Chevy Cobalts? Even with the attractive financing, and relative zippiness - (supercharged 2.0 - so it's not slow) but why allow yourself to be caught dead in this sad bastard? Even the Cavalier it replaces had tons more personality and Chevyness compared to this shapeless, pointless, old-Honda-Civic-wannabe coupe.

Usually - when I see a SEMA car on eBay - I stare at it for a while. Imagining how much better my life could be if I owned it. Big wheels, big speakers, big screens, big ballin, shot callin. Not on this occasion. Even on pretty wheels and with a two-tone paint job, this Chevy still sucks. Remember when they used to make cars?

So our advice is - if you already got at least a 'B' and mom promised you that sporty new car, check out a slower, but less tragic, Scion tc.

Pervs at Porsche Help You Get with Barely Legal Teen Girls!

Let's face it. The most popular reason for owning a proper sportscar isn't to go fast. We can all appreciate their niceness, but only freaks like Tom Cruise actually buy one with their money. Next time you see a Ferrari Maranello or a Pegani Zonda stuck in traffic, the balding guy behind the wheel avoiding eye contact with other drivers - know this: he got the car to get hot teen girls.

Successful people can indulge their wrongest of impulses and the perverts at Porsche, who've catered to date-rape-drug aficionados for decades, have decided to offer a sexed-up version of the unsexiest Porsche ever, the Boxter with some shiny accessories. Because they know teen girls love those.
According to Autoblog, The Limited Edition Boxter will offer nothing for going faster. Instead, there's that designer shoe-like shade of GT3 RS Orange. Let's call it Orange County Orange. Plus there's big black wheels that the ladies also love. Let the grooming begin!

There's a long history of wacky colours and teenage girldom. Check out the special colour Steve Saleen created for his daughter. It's named after her - and I'm guessing she's not making payments on the car, either. Puts your dad's presents into perspective, doesn't it. (more pix of Molly Saleen's Mustang if you click).

Of course, any babe-magnet/pimp mobile owner knows that paint is everything. The General Lee or the Starsky and Hutch Grand Torino would just be basic transportation, 'A' to 'B' cars if they were silver or white.

Yellow, orange, kermit green, Listerine blue - those are colors that make hot teen girls drop it like it's hot- and Porsche and Steve Saleen know that. Check out the Wrangler, Mustang and Defender - in a colorful-car threesome in the very, very background of the first Britney Spears video. Remember when she was 'teen' and a 'girl' before the shaved head,kid and rehab?
Offended? Feel free to complain in comments, below.