The American Man Gets a New Van - and F'd in the Can

Vans do lots of stuff. Or, at least, they carry lots of stuff. Stuff usually weighs a lot - tools, parts for other stuff, ladders to reach stuff up high. And, since the Eurostar and the Astro van met their doom, the van man has had to buy pickup trucks and camper shells.

With Ford killing off the Crown Victory Cop Killer, it means that anything big, like vans, with a V8 has to be replaced by something less big with smaller engines. A lot of car companies would get clever and base something on a Mustang. Instead, they're bringing the European Transit Connect to van-hungry Americans. But are repairmen, plumbers and deliverers or heavy stuff going to rush out to get this Eurovan?

Probably not. The Connect is Front-Wheel Drive (FWD). Even with a relatively-torquish, 1.8L Diesel, the idea of merging onto a freeway with a washing machine, compressors, socket wrenches and replacement washing machine motors on-board doesn't sound likely. Sure, the Europeans can carry their cheese, flowers and impressionist paintings around round-abouts and narrow city streets in Barcelona, Nice and Stafordshire - but the American van man needs rear-wheel drive and and triple-digit horsepower. In other words, if you see this van arockin' - actually, you just won't see this van doing much. Not anything that an HHR sedan delivery can't do while looking cooler.

So, as gas prices keep climbing, expect to pay much more for all your van-man needs, since he'll keep driving his pickup, waiting for someone to sell him a real, mid-size van.

The Man With the Van now Has a Plan - 2008 Dodge Caravan

Does your pappy drive a van for work? His saws, hammers, drills and duct tape all neatly arranged in a pile - with old newspapers and water bottles sprinkled all over? Well, if he's still in an Astro from the 90s, it's because America's had a van shortage since Chevy killed the Astro, Ford killed the Aerostar and all dad had left is the Dodge Sprint - a rebranded Mercedes that only big, chain plumbers, carpenters and locksmiths could afford.

The rest of the van-driving dads had to get a pickup or keep fixing the old van. Well, now Dodge is striking a blow for the workin man by offering the 2008 Caravan with no-seats-in-the-back (read: commercial). The Crossfire ate doo-doo. The Avenger is ridiculous. Apparently what the Germans didn't understand is - Americans need vans!

From Cool Cheap Cars - Really, really disgusting new Scion.

Lots of people didn't much like the Scion xB when it came out. Based on the Japanese Black Box, it just wasn't how L.A. people (where the first Scions were releases) looked at cars. L.A. folks want big trucks, or at least convertibles. Your car is who you are - and not a lot of people saw themselves as a slow refrigerator box. But the xB was cool enough to win over a lot of fans. With its impossibly massive interior (seriously, it's like an old Chevy Astro van in there) - and its low, low, low price - it was actually an OK way to go, car-wise.

But almost a decade later, Scion felt the pressure to do something new to the xB - so they made it ugly and more Toyota-like. Behold, the above picture of the uglified crap mobile that is replacing the beloved all box. It's rounder, its front end vaguely resembles Toyota vans and it's coming at you soon for $15,650. Look for the new Scion xB in Second Life too, it's even uglier.