Jaguar XK - Really cool or not-quite-for-dudes cool?

The Jaguar XK is fast, comfortable, really Jaguary, compared to the Buick-like XF, for example. So why is it still not-quite-right? Is there just something less James Bond and more the-guy-who-cuts-his-hair about it? When you pull up next to one at the light, do you half-expect to see a woman behind the wheel? Or perhaps and older man and his...personal trainer riding shot gun?

The newer body style is 'gorgeous' in a museum-sculpture way, definately not a porn star way. Next to a TVR Sagaris or even an Alfa Romeo Brera, the Jag just lacks a certain masculinity.(my college paper)

But, maybe we're just trippin' - so you decide:

Opinion Polls & Market Research

Jaguar takes Another step toward the light - with the XF

Jaguar's a hot little potato right now. Ford's getting rid of it - but not quite yet. Meanwhile, after killing the S Class - Jag's got something brand new for you. And there's absolutely zero reason for you to give a crap. The new Jaguar XF looks like...an Acura or a Lexus or an Oldsmobile Alero how about an Audi. It totally looks like an Audi. In fact, it could be any car at all.

Compared to vintage Jaguars like this bowler hat-shaped Mark II from 1966 or so - the new XF, which the world got to see just a day or so ago boring. And it bores us.

Fat girls try harder. So do GM and Ford.

We all know it's true. Fat girls try harder. They have to. What obesity can do for a girl is what bankruptcy does for Ford and GM. Desperation. GM just announced a hefty, Hyundai-like, 100,000 mile warranty. Awesome. Meanwhile, Ford is rocking your fragile world with 72 - count 'em - 72 months of 0% financing. You can make tiny payments on that Ranger forever.

Mmmmm. So tempting. Like any ridiculously fat girls, GM and Ford's offers are almost impossible to resist. The Mustang, a nice, hefty Silverado - it all sounds so good. But what's next? Like any truly fat girl discovers, incentives get old and, inevitably, they'll catch you staring at an Infinity or Honda - the girls that don't have to try to get your lovin.

Check out what the guy who runs Porsche has to say about the incentives that low-self-esteemed US carmakers throw at buyers. Porsche have sold a car or two - and you'll never catch them looking in the mirror and sucking in their gut with employee discounts, low financing or a good warranty. They get you because you want a Porsche - possibly because you only got fat girls in high school.

Jaguar, meanwhile, only wish they were 'gorgeous' - offering as much as eight grand off cars to get their fat asses off the lot.

The sad thing is - like eating disorders - GM and Ford aren't losers because their cars suck. That's only a part of the problem. Pensions, unions and, as the Porsche guy points out, just way too much extra stock sitting around - getting dusty - and old - like fat girls - like fat girls that don't do dirty things.

So, Ford and GM, stop whoring yourself out and start respecting yourself enough to hold back production until the right buyer comes along.

Or just throw up after you eat.