Why nobody cares about Saab's end except Swedes.

 

You ever known anyone with a Saab. I'm special enough to have known a few Saab owners. They were never the sort of people that spent a lot of time choosing a car. Micheline Maynard at the NYTimes, makes an argument that Saabs were special and different and quirky. But I bet you anything the ones she's thinking of are from the 80s. The turbocharged, rugged euro hatchbacks that made a Saab special. And the cool picture here of the Saab prototype 92001, also jacked from NYT, is of from 1942 and sitting in a museum in Stockholm. Stockholm loves theirs Saabs like London loves its taxis and Jaguars or Germans think of their E-Class. It's what Sweden uses for Taxis and cop cars, along with, shocker, Volvos.

But hey, even though the key was in a fun place, Saabs always lacked a lifestyle to buy into, an aspirational element, an image. If I'm a young urban professional, I'll have a silver BMW. If I want a powerful, wild-man car, I'll pay the roughly 30K for a Mustang GT Convertible.Outdoorsy fun? Nissan Xterra. I'm boring and responsible: Lexus. For all the cars that could be had in Saab's price-range, all of them told the world just where you were at. 'I've got about 30 grand to spend on a car. My student life days are long behind me.'

The Saab never worked hard to establish who was supposed to buy one. OK, so we know Architects liked them and so did Seinfeld. Who else? People who liked grandma glasses around their $30 / £20K station wagon's headlights? At best, the newer Saabs look like 5-Series knockoffs. Just like Chevrolet, they lost their way and started looking like they were designed by committee - beige. So, sadly, we now loose another, if even slightly, unique car brand. But, just like Plymouth, Oldsmobile and Rover. We lost Saab long before its official death.

GM: Not even the Volt can Save them. Chrysler - Last chance for Hornet

GM is finally dead. For my thoughts about its demise, see the first-ever post on this blog. GM: Designing Disaster. Even the upcoming Volt, the car that may save the world, can't save GM from maple-sirrup-sipping puck slappers.

But maybe there's still some hope for Chrysler. I've mentioned it before, but the Dodge Hornet was always a good idea. It's the only small, American car anyone might possible begin to consider thinking about owning.

C'mon, Chrysler. GM didn't listen and now look.

A Chinese Chevy: How can You Lose?

If You're Under 25, you must be a DJ!

'Young people. With their music and their long hair. Get a damn job, you useless bastards!' That's just about how GM executives talk, we'd assume. Executive people are about the age to have teenage kids and who's more in touch with youth than their parents!

So, in a desperate, desperate death spasm of attempted coolness, Chevy has just shown off some shiny, new, teeny, tiny concept cars at the New York Auto Show. Needless to say, with how New York feels about cars - debuting very small and very slow rides simply must be done in walking capital of the United States.

But wait! It's not that all three of these little bastards might make it to production. Instead, like any good dad, Chevrolet has provided us with choice! Even you can go to http://www.vote4chevrolet.com/ and vote for the Beat, Groove or Trax as the concept you hate least. Also notice how they all have DJing related names, for that extra bit of small car funk.

Apparently, spinning some mad, phat vinyl is what all young people do all the time. They are the same exact people that, apparently, just crave the very hell out of tiny little cars. Witness this closeup of an orange Toyota Aygo, from last year's Paris show - with the hydraulic-powered rear(that's something we can all enjoy) that comes out on to reveal two turntables and a microphone. So play that funky music! (as long as you're not very tall)

Fat girls try harder. So do GM and Ford.

We all know it's true. Fat girls try harder. They have to. What obesity can do for a girl is what bankruptcy does for Ford and GM. Desperation. GM just announced a hefty, Hyundai-like, 100,000 mile warranty. Awesome. Meanwhile, Ford is rocking your fragile world with 72 - count 'em - 72 months of 0% financing. You can make tiny payments on that Ranger forever.

Mmmmm. So tempting. Like any ridiculously fat girls, GM and Ford's offers are almost impossible to resist. The Mustang, a nice, hefty Silverado - it all sounds so good. But what's next? Like any truly fat girl discovers, incentives get old and, inevitably, they'll catch you staring at an Infinity or Honda - the girls that don't have to try to get your lovin.

Check out what the guy who runs Porsche has to say about the incentives that low-self-esteemed US carmakers throw at buyers. Porsche have sold a car or two - and you'll never catch them looking in the mirror and sucking in their gut with employee discounts, low financing or a good warranty. They get you because you want a Porsche - possibly because you only got fat girls in high school.

Jaguar, meanwhile, only wish they were 'gorgeous' - offering as much as eight grand off cars to get their fat asses off the lot.

The sad thing is - like eating disorders - GM and Ford aren't losers because their cars suck. That's only a part of the problem. Pensions, unions and, as the Porsche guy points out, just way too much extra stock sitting around - getting dusty - and old - like fat girls - like fat girls that don't do dirty things.

So, Ford and GM, stop whoring yourself out and start respecting yourself enough to hold back production until the right buyer comes along.

Or just throw up after you eat.

National Corvette Museum’s Commission Impossible
-The Corvette’s not just an expensive, shiny Viagra bottle – it’s an icon. But can the museum start another American revolution and put some hard cash in its pocket?

I'm not even sure why Kentucky needs a Corvette Museum. I suppose people with kids need to have a place to take them on Saturdays. They can look at all the Corvettes and marvel at what GM was once able to do. Today, Corvette is very separate from Chevrolet.

Where once, teenagers with posters of 'Vettes on their wall could at least buy Corvette's ugly cousins from Chevy lots, today, there's nothing that really shares in the go-fast-for-cheap bloodline. Nobody's going to buy a Cobalt because they like the Corvette.

However, that didn't stop one member of the Corvette museum's inner-sanctum, a GM exec, no less, from offering the museum money if it could convince 100 non-GM drivers to switch to a Chevy, Pontiac, Buick, Hummer, Cadillac, GMC or Saab.

Of course, it would probably take more than the $25,000 the guy's offering the museum to actually figure out how GM could do this.

There's not a lot of appeal in these marks for those who haven't already bought into the GM fantasy. However, if you prize comfort you've already got a Chevy SUV GMC, H2 or Caddy.

But maybe, you just want a shiny new car with two sunroofs without the burdensome pressure and inconvenience of having a job - in which case you've probably already got a Pontiac adorning your parents' driveway.

Perhaps, watching Frasier while reading books about wine and listening to world music in a Starbucks are all highly appealing to you - in which case - you still won't be running out to buy a Saab because, of course, you've already got one - in yellow.

The point is, there hasn't been a new reason to buy any of the brands the museum needs to get their money. Rumours have it that the money, so desperately needed by the Corvette Museum would go to build a life-size papier-mâché replica of the Corvette. It would have a working, papier-mâché engine and be made entirely from Corvette drivers' divorce papers.

Ford's done a wise thing by creating a halo car for the Mustang. High school kids trying to keep up the grades to get a V6 Couple can look up to the GT 500. Just think about how hard you'd pound those index cards. study guides and see-and-says if you knew that just one 'D' and you get a Malibu instead.

Selling Cars: Apparently not crucial in the car-selling business.
-Car companies don't just spend their time drawing cars and then making some. Let's look at what else they do.

Movie stars, charity events, yes, even blogs are part of the fight to shove a new car into your driveway. Product placement, champagne-soaked galas and children's events with not a child in sight are all crucial for maintaining the delicate business called automotive.

Not all these activities are a complete waste of that $199 a month we pay to lease our Getta….I mean….Chevy truck. Creating buzz and a genuine appearance of corporate goodwill is a major priority for manufacturers. In this, long awaited, rebirth of Basic Transportation, let's look at everyone's up to.

Look, here's Tom Cruise and Laurence Fishburne looking excited about MI3 on the roof of an Escalade. That's because GM are the official providers of cars for the Tribeca Film Festival in New York. To be fair, if you paid to see MI3, good chance you think the current Impala is pretty nifty too.

The sponsorship is ideal because everyone knows that no American craves a 6.2 litre V8 more than New Yorkers. And with the gobs of media coverage the Tribeca Film Festival garners across the nation, there's no doubt that having the almost-convincingly-straight Cruise and the not-quite-popular-since-Matrix Fishburne stand on the Escalade is the perfect thing for GM to do.

This is money that could be used making more Solstices. The HHR is a great use of an existing platform, whereas middle-aged celebrities on a Cady isn't. Instead, getting involved with the TFF is as uninspired an idea as the Cobalt.

Dodge, on the other hand, are mingling the regular folk! A fantastic idea that's made even better with some 'amateur' snaps springing up on Autoblog. The Challenger concept, just debuted at Detroit in January is now making surprise appearances. To check out what the muscle car buying public thought, some Dodge guys showed up to a California cruise night to cheer up so real car fans. Needless to say, no one jumped on the roof.

In case there was any doubt, people love cars like this and they must have loved seeing the retro concept. It’s hard to believe that starting with a car that was made already, thirty-something years ago is even allowed in the car designer handbook - but the success of the current Mustang after years of ponycar wannabes from Ford changed the rules.

The Challenger is a lot truer to its roots that the current Charger or even the Camaro Concept. There is, however, one car that’s looked pretty much the same since day one, sometime around D-day, in WWII. That’s right, it’s the Jeep - CJ, TJ, Wrangler or Renegade, there’s only one Jeep that comes to mind when someone says Jeep. It’s the Jeep. And Jeep continued to break new ground in product placement since the last century, striking deals with video game producers (and, in Tony Hawk‘s case, stars) to make sure that Jeeps stay at the front of our mind and associated with the word ‘Jeep‘. While the latest Unlimited has little to do with WWII, that’s no reason those patriotic feelings shouldn’t be nourished.

That's why Jeep struck a deal with Electronic Arts to feature a Willys Overland in next year’s sequel to Medal of Honor, called Medal of Honor Airborne. The Jeep will be able to go places other game vehicles can’t and be used as a weapon’s platform. No word yet when the RPG-launcher edition Wrangler will announced.

Something for Everyone! Except GM. Nothing for those guys.
- Malibu's not on fire.

Hypothetically, I am average, 31 and gave up on trying to be an individual long ago. I don’t really go out that much. I work in an office. I feel my desktop pattern is an insightful comment on who I am as a person. I am not the junior. Not the boss. Not quite a beggar, definitely not a chooser. I was quite good at algebra back in state school. I prefer long-term relationships with girls I think of as ‘not traditionally attractive.’ I figure a car is supposed to get me from ‘A’ to ‘B.’ Getting noticed makes me have to double-up on my Zoloft.

OR

I am a rent-a-car company.

OR

I like cheap, decent looking cars that can take a set of big wheels, tinted windows, 15-inch subs, maybe a couple pullies and an exhaust system before I dip it in chameleon paint and take it cruising with my heinas.

Who am I? I am a Ford Fusion buyer!

The Fusion's got a lot going for it! It offers a good-looking and cheap platform to get a nice custom look without having to do too much. Fusion’s simple and attractive lines are what made cars like the ‘84 Regal and the ‘96 Caprice along with the current 300 such great platforms for customising, modifying, pimpin-out or Pep Boysing up. Putting an understated body on a popular platform like the Mazda 6 means whether you read Consumer Reports or Street Source -you'll like the Fusion.

These are qualities that the current Malibu doesn't even aspire to. Chevies used to be about designing cars with looks that you won’t mind - even if you don’t like. Now Chevrolet's uncertain about who actually wants a Chevy car. The Fusion is being marketd to pretty much everyone. Office slave? Just keep it out of the bosses spot or no company retreat for you! Fast and furious? You can at least make it look like it. Space mutant? Buy a Malibu to distract people from your ooziness. The Malibu is now marketed as a family car. Though the orange SS concept with a six-speed doing the show circuit in '98 told a different story. Now, you can't get it with a stick. Generally, people buy cars like the Malibu for the same reason they get the big bucket at KFC. It's kinda gross, but a cheap way to deal with having kids.

Like with Marauder and the last real Impala that inspired it, Ford is now following in GM's platform-sharing footsteps, but with the benefit of hindsight. GM couldn’t make us buy the Opel as the ‘Caddy that zigs,’ and there’s not even plans to let us have the hardtop convertible version of Malibu available in Europe. It’s what the Brits call ‘taking a piss.’ Ford’s platform-sharing with a Motor Trend Car of the Year - they don’t have to drop anything, including their top or the price to get us all into it.

Meanwhile, the Ford Fusion isn’t not selling. Anyone at all looking for some sensible transportation - whether they be in IT, sales or even IT sales, will find something they like in the genuinely handsome and determinately vanilla Fusion. There's something of the 99 Honda Accord, the 90s Dodge Stratus, 98 Honda Prelude and a Gilette Mach 3 about the Fusion.

Its blandness is its winning formula. And, as Ford spends millions on sponsoring concerts, events and TV shows to make us see the Fusion’s awesomeness to the max - Malibu remains the true king of middle-aged people who aren’t doing so hot financially and immigrants looking for that first American car experience. Meanwhile, just to prove my very point (but in the past), the Ford crew was clever enough to sprinkle some Fusions on last November’s SEMA Show(one pictured) . And if you haven’t seen them, you should. If you haven’t seen the Malibus or Impalas at last year’s SEMA, you should get used to that.

The General's 'hoe.
-The new Tahoe bodystyle is selling out like crack - but will it be enough to give GM's financial burdens the back of the hand?

There’s something special about a big, truck-based SUV. Look down on fragile, little Highlanders, MDXs and Muranos with loathsome contempt. Old-school V8 torque and plenty of room for stuff, people, subwoofers, TVs, a dog and a barbecue grill. GM hopes that no one will ever get enough of that big SUV feeling with high hopes for the new Tahoe. Will it do for GM what the Taurus did for Ford in the 80s - and what Ford hopes the Fusion will do in the ...00s? Well, probably not - but it looks better.

The new Tahoe does look good! And this summer's custom shows are sure to show off a slew of pimped out Tahoes with TVs, dubs and airbags. But its current popularity doesn’t really signal a big revival. The truth is, while the shiny new Tahoes have been flying off dealers’lots in the 49 days since Tahoe’s debut (

det news )- this is no indication of long-term success. In fact, will SUVs be around forever? The '07 Sentra fetures two glove compartments and one is 'extra deep!' And it gets like 29 to the gallon (though that's sure to come down in real-life driving.) Detroit News’ article profiles a guy who replaced his old Tahoe with the new one when his lease ran out - not quite the against-all-odds triumph GM will need to change some minds or even make Cars Cars Cars guy forget about the Monte Carlo.

Drivers hooked on the ass-flattering comfort of the Tahoe platform will have a hard time staying away from the couch-like goodness of the new one. But, according to PIN Insights, an arm of J.D. Powers and Associates, the first five months of sales for a new model doesn’t reflect long-term success.


Of course, we all want GM to succeed and rain down with cheap, high-performance, roomy cars and trucks for years to come. The big push and the new grille are paying off for now, but let’s see if sales volume drops to where it was for the previous model by 4th of July.

The General Takes a Golden-Yellow Shower....of Innovation

- GM are taking the lead as ethanol fuel innovators. Can hybrids leave us alone now?

I’m sick of hearing about hybrids. The super-dorky Prius and even GM’s new hybrid trucks. The electric motor in a hybrid only does the work at very low speeds and in reverse. Meanwhile, the added weight of the batteries, power control unit, planetary gear, generator and electric motor itself means you’re carrying a lot more junk in the trunk on the highway (and at highway speeds). Neither the Chevy nor GMC websites will reveal the weight difference between a standard and a hybrid Silverado - but it’s sure to be tremendous. Little hybrid cars are perfect for city centers where driving under 10 miles per hour is normal. Big trucks are meant for the highways, the backroads and the wild frontiers of the suburbs and the sub-suburbs. This means that a hybrid truck will rarely find itself running on electricity - especially if you’re one of those crazy critters that put stuff in the back. Sure, there’s traffic out there and you’ll sit in it with zero-emission smugness - but the added weight of hybrids, says a Ford dealer whose name we won’t reveal, means that the Escape Hybrid gets worse gas mileage overall than the 4-banger version.

General Motors is making yellow the new green with corn-powered cars! Just when I was getting cynical, GM launched their big E85 push with a nifty show truck (above) and partnerships with Shell and VeraSun Energy Corp! Ethanol is set to quickly become the new choice of performance-hungry tree huggers. GM’s already got a heart-warming website touting its benefits with tons of corny puns (stalk car racing game) and occasional free t-shirts. Corn, of course, has a few problems of its own. The corn used for ethanol is genetically modified and the government subsidises corn farmers - but, compared to hybrids which are a bit of a scam, corn’s great! We won’t ever need a war to get more cord and reducing our reliance on foreign oil will give America new political leverage (one day). Not only is corn great but GM is showing some surprising leadership by encouraging more ethanol stations (just in Chicago for now) and raising awareness.

There’s something inherently American about corn and ethanol’s performance-enhancing qualities and inherent patriotism should signal the eventual demise of deceptive, hugely overpriced and always wimpy hybrids. Compared to your standard, friendly Vortec V8 running E85 - the stuff under the hood of a Prius is more washing machine than car - and any performance mods are out of the question. General Motors might be onto a winner! With the 2007 Tahoe updates announced for the now great-looking 2007 Avalanche - it’s a good time to be touting why we shouldn’t feel guilty about driving the big truck - which, when costing only three grand more than a hybrid Accord - is looking better and better. Let’s hope it doesn’t end with a corny website and a couple dozen ethanol pumps in Illinois.

The Roof! The Roof! The Roof doesn’t really matter that much.
Would you pay an extra ten grand for a fridge-sized piece of metal? GM says 'Oh Yeah!'

Pontiac’s G6 Convertible is here and it’s roof is hard. It’s not soft. It’s made out of metal. It’s not made out of canvas. It is, in fact, a retractable hardtop convertible. I have to think I’m not alone in saying ‘so what?’ Hard top convertibles are pretty neat. I still remember seeing the debut of the 3000GT Spyder from Mitsubishi in 1994. I was a kid and had never seen anything like it. Importantly, the 3000GT was already cool without the magic roof. That’s not the point. The Pontiac G6 is very much a Sunfire with a V6. It's front-wheel drive, not very big, and looks like a rental. That’s why pricing the G6 at the groin-grabbingly ridiculous amount of $28,490 - $3,755 more than the mustang rag-top is just not a good way to get rid of some.

With a bland name, nurse shoe design and crazy price - going against the Mustang, with its rear-wheel drive umph and boulevard cruiser style - GM's drop top is dropping trow.

The problem isn’t that there might not be car buyers out there to whom a retractable hard top isn’t worth an extra few bucks. After all, the SLK came out costing thousands more than the Z3 and surpassed the BMW roadster in popularity. The problem here is that the Mustang has tons more to offer overall while costing less. It’s roomier (G6 360 / Stang 360 [not direct link]), faster and prettier than the Pontiac.

It’s hard not to wonder why another hardtop (ssr dies) sounded like a good idea to the GM folk while the shockingly great Solstice is still hard to get in the sunny states due to limited production numbers. There's no other GM car like the Solstice. It's daring, it's got personality and the fun for money represents the very best of American cars. Why make the $30K dork-mobile while the Solstice is rationed? Dealer mark-ups don’t help pay those pensions.