National Corvette Museum’s Commission Impossible
-The Corvette’s not just an expensive, shiny Viagra bottle – it’s an icon. But can the museum start another American revolution and put some hard cash in its pocket?

I'm not even sure why Kentucky needs a Corvette Museum. I suppose people with kids need to have a place to take them on Saturdays. They can look at all the Corvettes and marvel at what GM was once able to do. Today, Corvette is very separate from Chevrolet.

Where once, teenagers with posters of 'Vettes on their wall could at least buy Corvette's ugly cousins from Chevy lots, today, there's nothing that really shares in the go-fast-for-cheap bloodline. Nobody's going to buy a Cobalt because they like the Corvette.

However, that didn't stop one member of the Corvette museum's inner-sanctum, a GM exec, no less, from offering the museum money if it could convince 100 non-GM drivers to switch to a Chevy, Pontiac, Buick, Hummer, Cadillac, GMC or Saab.

Of course, it would probably take more than the $25,000 the guy's offering the museum to actually figure out how GM could do this.

There's not a lot of appeal in these marks for those who haven't already bought into the GM fantasy. However, if you prize comfort you've already got a Chevy SUV GMC, H2 or Caddy.

But maybe, you just want a shiny new car with two sunroofs without the burdensome pressure and inconvenience of having a job - in which case you've probably already got a Pontiac adorning your parents' driveway.

Perhaps, watching Frasier while reading books about wine and listening to world music in a Starbucks are all highly appealing to you - in which case - you still won't be running out to buy a Saab because, of course, you've already got one - in yellow.

The point is, there hasn't been a new reason to buy any of the brands the museum needs to get their money. Rumours have it that the money, so desperately needed by the Corvette Museum would go to build a life-size papier-mâché replica of the Corvette. It would have a working, papier-mâché engine and be made entirely from Corvette drivers' divorce papers.

Ford's done a wise thing by creating a halo car for the Mustang. High school kids trying to keep up the grades to get a V6 Couple can look up to the GT 500. Just think about how hard you'd pound those index cards. study guides and see-and-says if you knew that just one 'D' and you get a Malibu instead.

Cool Cheap Cars
-Don’t make monthly payments like a jackass.

New cars are good. New trucks are good. However, for your latest automotive purchase to be even slightly cool, you’ll have to spend at least around $18,000 American, hard-earned squilla – plus tax, license, registration, full-coverage insurance, plus washing it!

That means that, instead of spending your money on something useful, like food, a home or cigarettes – you will be paying a car company hundreds of dollars every month just for the privilege of driving a fairly nice set of wheels.

Basic Transportation feels that this is bull plop. And so, with the help of my friends and yours at eBay, let’s look over some pre-owned­ vehicles that will still look good in front of the club and let you keep your money, while occasionally sharing it with a mechanic of your choice.

Lincoln’s latest sedan is the Zephyr, a Mazda 6 with a Ford Fusion on top of it, topped out with some nifty xenon bulbs and shiny plastic plus leather seats and many, many Lincoln emblems, so that you don’t get confused.

If you want Lincoln elegance, you’ll just have to go spend $30K. Or – don’t.

Instead, check out the gorgeous, restored Lincoln Continental from forty-five years ago. White and red, vinyl interior, suicide doors, big-block V8. There’s always plenty on eBay and always costing way cheaper than they look.

You’ll feel good driving it – which is something the Zephyr can’t deliver for twice the cash. The best part? If you ever manage to get tired of this beautiful Lincoln, just sell it for the same amount.

Luxury not your thing? You might be looking at a civic or the Fit (you, lamer) for some practical transportation. $20K isn’t too much to spend on a sensible daily driver, you say to yourself. But that’s money you can spend on hot-air ballooning around the world or a bathtub made out of gold. Why not spend one tenth of that on a late 70s/early 80s Granada. The car of cars – wow your friends with your retro flava.

There’s plenty of other cars that deliver the same roomy practicality and don’t really cost anything at all. Looks pro at the office and you can park it in the hood! For one notch higher, choose a sweet little 60s Plymouth Fury or Nova four-door. They can all be had for less than $10K, - the Granada goes for 2 and, unlike the sucker ides, they don’t loose all that once they’re yours. Check back for more cheap, eBay goodness, in future installments of ‘Cool Cars you Can Purchase (CCCP).